Monica Pignotti Responds to Adoptive Parent’s Comments
As an adoptive parent of a child adopted overseas from an orphanage, I must say that unless you have experienced parenting a child with diagnosed Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Severe PTSD you really can’t know what techniques work and which ones don’t.
My child was a serious danger to himself and to those around him during a meltdown. Without the use of touching him during these times and using the safety restraints taught in professional training through the state and by a trained specialist, my son could not calm himself down. To allow him to fling himself around the room banging his head on the floor, ect…there are times when restaints done with precision and with the motive of compassion and utmost safety are the kindest way to help the child.
Dr. Federici teaches THAT type of hold in his book and in his practice.
My child has gone from completely unattached and labeled with conduct disorder at 4 years of age to a gentleman with an open and joyful heart.
Unless you are the
parent of a child like this, you do not know what you talking about.
And by the way, although I haven’t had a child like this, I have actually worked with children and adolescents who do have very serious behavior problems. When I worked for a neuropsychologist, he saw children with extremely serious behavior problems. He got referrals from the legal system to see children who had started fires and gotten into other kinds of serious trouble, so I have seen, first hand what you are talking about, yet this person was often successful with such kids using behavior modification techniques and I never saw him recommend any radical type of program such as that described in Federici’s book and in witnessing his work with literally hundreds of clients never once heard him recommend that they do face-down prone restraint.
I love my child and have only wanted him to have his best chance at breaking through the barriers of mental illness that he was an innocent victim of in his early life. His frame of mind was survival and manipulation. Of course he would say, “I promise to stop….” and as any parent of a child with reactive attachment disorder and PTSD would identify with as being manipulated into letting the child continue to try to run the world through his distorted and rageful mindframe.
They are so scared that they lose control. To let that go on when there are people who have used safe methods that work, to not try and help your child…is where I find the abuse.
Ther real world out there isn’t going to allow their violent tantrums or verbal abuse. From experience as a therapist and as the client of a son in Play Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, it doesn’t work.
Traditional therapies don’t go deep enough into
their preverbal traumas.
Only safety and development of trust can start to heal that wound. The real world isn’t going to have “compassion” when he socks his future boss, wife, stranger or anyone in range when his PTSD rages hit.
No, the real world expects him to calm himself done, and this is TAUGHT.
I am an advocate for doing what works, and the use of therapeutic holds as described in Federici’s book in emergency situations was totally appropriate.
I am proud to say that with Dr. Federici’s help, my son is a healthy boy today who can handle his emotions as developmentally appropriate. Recovery is possible. My son was a worst case scenario of complex diagnoses-and he overcame it with the help of his therapeutically trained parents and professional help from Dr. Federici.
Monica Pignotti is slandering a person who she does not know and does not understand, clearly.
It’s offensive to have such behavior from a person who claims to be a professional social worker.
If left up
to Monica Pignotti, my son would live in a group home where the staff would have no choice but to restrain him and THEY WOULD NOT BE DOING OUT OF COMPASSION.
Love goes along ways.
I pray that parents of adopted children with severe mental issues and attachment problems find professionals-such as Dr. Federici who can help them to help their child.
I pray that parents of adopted children consider the evidence and the degree that the interventions they select for their children have been properly tested for safety and efficacy. Again, Faith, I wish you and your son all the best and I do thank you for raising actual issues that I believe reflect beliefs that many parents share which I see as mistaken. So thank you for raising these points, as you have provided me with a much better understanding of what your own objections are to my position and where you are coming from.
P.S. Here are come further comments Jean Mercer has regarding cortisol levels: